从heathrow机场第一次见面到今天，整整三周年了,吵吵闹闹的第一年，甜甜蜜蜜的第二年，第三年可以说是平淡的上半年和艰难的下半年。平淡是无风无浪，按部就班如茶水，艰难则是我们又回到了long-distance的状态，3年，转了一个圈，ms回到了原点，但实际上也不是，变化早已深入骨髓。
3年前的L-D，心不安，很迷惘，3年后的L-D，想着将来，很踏实。
2年前，有棱有角，磕磕碰碰，疼痛不已，2年后，棱角如齿轮般契合
1年前，甜甜蜜蜜，如胶似漆，1年后，甜蜜依旧，却如胶似漆不得……
想起上个月农药来，比划着拳头和手指头说：（对我）了如指掌
想起我们一起去赏枫，我说漂亮好看就知道停车让我拍照，想起2年前我们出去玩，我要求停车他非要先抵达目的地再说。记得那个时候，农药目的性很强，我说要去某个山头赏花，他便一定要抵达那个山头，打仗一般，不到目的不罢休，一再无视我要求停车以赏路边小花的要求，却忘了出来玩的首要任务是玩，而山头是次要的，赏花才是主要的，为了达到山峰而错过了山腰的风景多么可惜？记得当时还为这个很不开心，我当时离的心都有了，当时旅游乃我人生第一次重要事情，夫君却不是旅途中的默契的好伴侣，如何是好？更何况，山顶和路边的风景其实也算是人生哲学的不同……
那次吵架算我记忆比较深的一次，其实也不算吵架，比起那次扔药丸和把当当吓得哆嗦的那次都算小的，可能农药都不记得了……
记得我好像就是生闷气，最后很生气的一条条的说我这套出门的理念，其实说的时候我悲愤的想：朽木不可雕了，怎么办啊？怎么忍阿？以后难道我要独自行走万水千山么？
上个月赏枫，我每次看着美景欢呼，他也就最多说：你怎么总让我做这种高难度动作呢？（一般是刚过小桥无处到头无处停） 有的时候他都开出去很远了，我以为他不会掉头了，心想算了，他却又找到调头的地方绕回去了。心里的温暖和开心是无法言喻的，想想我也有进步，不向当初那般挑剔了，也不会一点点小事就悲愤的升级，他也真的是对我了如指掌了，知道我想下来拍照，知道我享受这样看到意外美景的旅途。曾经以为默契是两个人生来就MATCH，现在才知道默契其实是两个人多年的培养，时间越久越深。
最近很多电台都在播JOHN TESH的RADIO SHOW,其实我是不喜欢这样唧唧歪歪的风格，再说那些所谓人生智慧，不都是众人皆知的么？只是各个台都热火朝天的播，我只好被迫听。
不过前两天月圆之夜，回家路上听到的那段，却深有感触，那段的标题大概是HAPPY COUPLE如何保持HAPPY，好像是有4点：
1。看最初爱上时候的照片，回忆让两人陷入爱情的因素
嗯嗯，每次回忆都让人感觉更加温暖和爱恋
2。共同展望未来
这点我是最深有感触的，3年前的L-D让人如此不安，最大的因素也是看不到未来，不像现在，连将来孩子的名字都考虑过无数次
关于1年后如何团聚，我们也是展望了好多次的，只可惜目前有变，恐怕要重新展望了……
以前我总说：人总是会变的，只要两个人一起变就好。可是那时候我也不知道怎么样才能两个人一起变，在一起不是关键，同床异梦的事情也不是没有的。现在可算知道了，两个人心中有一个共同的未来，都为这个未来而努力，那样出现的任何变化都是一起变了~
3。对对方为你做的任何小事都心怀感激
4。保持沟通
比如：每次我看到园园的月亮和夕阳，总会想起你，要让你知道
回来看TESH.COM，没看到我听到的那篇，看到几篇也挺好的，一并收了
3年前的L-D，心不安，很迷惘，3年后的L-D，想着将来，很踏实。
2年前，有棱有角，磕磕碰碰，疼痛不已，2年后，棱角如齿轮般契合
1年前，甜甜蜜蜜，如胶似漆，1年后，甜蜜依旧，却如胶似漆不得……
想起上个月农药来，比划着拳头和手指头说：（对我）了如指掌
想起我们一起去赏枫，我说漂亮好看就知道停车让我拍照，想起2年前我们出去玩，我要求停车他非要先抵达目的地再说。记得那个时候，农药目的性很强，我说要去某个山头赏花，他便一定要抵达那个山头，打仗一般，不到目的不罢休，一再无视我要求停车以赏路边小花的要求，却忘了出来玩的首要任务是玩，而山头是次要的，赏花才是主要的，为了达到山峰而错过了山腰的风景多么可惜？记得当时还为这个很不开心，我当时离的心都有了，当时旅游乃我人生第一次重要事情，夫君却不是旅途中的默契的好伴侣，如何是好？更何况，山顶和路边的风景其实也算是人生哲学的不同……
那次吵架算我记忆比较深的一次，其实也不算吵架，比起那次扔药丸和把当当吓得哆嗦的那次都算小的，可能农药都不记得了……
记得我好像就是生闷气，最后很生气的一条条的说我这套出门的理念，其实说的时候我悲愤的想：朽木不可雕了，怎么办啊？怎么忍阿？以后难道我要独自行走万水千山么？
上个月赏枫，我每次看着美景欢呼，他也就最多说：你怎么总让我做这种高难度动作呢？（一般是刚过小桥无处到头无处停） 有的时候他都开出去很远了，我以为他不会掉头了，心想算了，他却又找到调头的地方绕回去了。心里的温暖和开心是无法言喻的，想想我也有进步，不向当初那般挑剔了，也不会一点点小事就悲愤的升级，他也真的是对我了如指掌了，知道我想下来拍照，知道我享受这样看到意外美景的旅途。曾经以为默契是两个人生来就MATCH，现在才知道默契其实是两个人多年的培养，时间越久越深。
最近很多电台都在播JOHN TESH的RADIO SHOW,其实我是不喜欢这样唧唧歪歪的风格，再说那些所谓人生智慧，不都是众人皆知的么？只是各个台都热火朝天的播，我只好被迫听。
不过前两天月圆之夜，回家路上听到的那段，却深有感触，那段的标题大概是HAPPY COUPLE如何保持HAPPY，好像是有4点：
1。看最初爱上时候的照片，回忆让两人陷入爱情的因素
嗯嗯，每次回忆都让人感觉更加温暖和爱恋
2。共同展望未来
这点我是最深有感触的，3年前的L-D让人如此不安，最大的因素也是看不到未来，不像现在，连将来孩子的名字都考虑过无数次
关于1年后如何团聚，我们也是展望了好多次的，只可惜目前有变，恐怕要重新展望了……
以前我总说：人总是会变的，只要两个人一起变就好。可是那时候我也不知道怎么样才能两个人一起变，在一起不是关键，同床异梦的事情也不是没有的。现在可算知道了，两个人心中有一个共同的未来，都为这个未来而努力，那样出现的任何变化都是一起变了~
3。对对方为你做的任何小事都心怀感激
4。保持沟通
比如：每次我看到园园的月亮和夕阳，总会想起你，要让你知道
回来看TESH.COM，没看到我听到的那篇，看到几篇也挺好的，一并收了
What's the Best Way to Make Your Spouse Happy?
It’s easy - just get happy yourself! According to Web MD, married men are more satisfied with their own lives when their wives are happy, and vice-versa. Although it’s not easy to turn a feeling like happiness into a concrete science, British researcher Nick Powdthavee gave it his best shot. He studied information from a survey of nearly 10,000 married couples and 3,000 couples who weren’t married but lived together. The survey asked questions about life satisfaction, education, income and wealth.
Then, based on the couples’ answers, he used a mathematical formula and some psychology principles to figure out their happiness quotient. And Powdthavee found that in married couples, happiness can overflow from one spouse to another. In fact, the transfer of happiness is so strong, it can offset major problems such as unemployment and hospitalization.
But there is a twist. You do have to have a ring on your finger. Powdthavee says that for couples who are simply living together, happiness isn’t contagious. He says the reasons for this are unclear, but could be because unmarried couples are less committed. So rather than bask in their partner’s happiness, they get jealous of it. And that’s why the break-up rate is so high. But for married couples, it seems that the happier you are, the happier your spouse will be. And that’s the recipe for a long lasting relationship.
It’s easy - just get happy yourself! According to Web MD, married men are more satisfied with their own lives when their wives are happy, and vice-versa. Although it’s not easy to turn a feeling like happiness into a concrete science, British researcher Nick Powdthavee gave it his best shot. He studied information from a survey of nearly 10,000 married couples and 3,000 couples who weren’t married but lived together. The survey asked questions about life satisfaction, education, income and wealth.
Then, based on the couples’ answers, he used a mathematical formula and some psychology principles to figure out their happiness quotient. And Powdthavee found that in married couples, happiness can overflow from one spouse to another. In fact, the transfer of happiness is so strong, it can offset major problems such as unemployment and hospitalization.
But there is a twist. You do have to have a ring on your finger. Powdthavee says that for couples who are simply living together, happiness isn’t contagious. He says the reasons for this are unclear, but could be because unmarried couples are less committed. So rather than bask in their partner’s happiness, they get jealous of it. And that’s why the break-up rate is so high. But for married couples, it seems that the happier you are, the happier your spouse will be. And that’s the recipe for a long lasting relationship.
Here's What Experts Have to Say About Keeping a Marriage Strong.
Right now, it’s time for some intelligence for your love life! Redbook magazine interviewed top-notch relationship experts and asked them for their essential advice to keep a marriage strong. So here’s what every couple needs to know:
Dr. David Wexler is the executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego. And he says happy couples see things through each other’s eyes. A lot of conflict comes from always putting a negative spin on what your partner does. Instead of telling yourself that they’re being thoughtless or annoying, try to think about the situation from your partner’s point of view. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside that would make them act this way?” Wexler says their behavior might still be a problem for you, but by trying to figure out the reason behind it, it’ll be easier for the two of you to communicate.
If you want intimacy, you must have trust. That comes from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of the book Falling In Love For All the Right Reasons. And he says trust issues are like sparks in a dry forest – you want to deal with them as fast as possible before they burn your relationship down. It doesn’t matter if it’s something major – like an affair, or something smaller – like a spouse who shares a secret about your marriage with their best friend. You have to address all the issues that’ll keep you from feeling safe in the relationship.
Never lose sight of the romance. Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead is the co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. And she says it’s important to set aside time for romance. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to plan a big second honeymoon cruise. But be creative – like have a picnic in the middle of living room with a bottle of your spouse’s favorite wine. Dr. Whitehead says it’s better to have little romantic episodes often, than a big romantic blow-out once a year. Because when the romance is threaded throughout ALL your days together, it becomes part of the lifeblood of your marriage
Right now, it’s time for some intelligence for your love life! Redbook magazine interviewed top-notch relationship experts and asked them for their essential advice to keep a marriage strong. So here’s what every couple needs to know:
Dr. David Wexler is the executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego. And he says happy couples see things through each other’s eyes. A lot of conflict comes from always putting a negative spin on what your partner does. Instead of telling yourself that they’re being thoughtless or annoying, try to think about the situation from your partner’s point of view. Ask yourself, “What’s going on inside that would make them act this way?” Wexler says their behavior might still be a problem for you, but by trying to figure out the reason behind it, it’ll be easier for the two of you to communicate.
If you want intimacy, you must have trust. That comes from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of the book Falling In Love For All the Right Reasons. And he says trust issues are like sparks in a dry forest – you want to deal with them as fast as possible before they burn your relationship down. It doesn’t matter if it’s something major – like an affair, or something smaller – like a spouse who shares a secret about your marriage with their best friend. You have to address all the issues that’ll keep you from feeling safe in the relationship.
Never lose sight of the romance. Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead is the co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. And she says it’s important to set aside time for romance. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to plan a big second honeymoon cruise. But be creative – like have a picnic in the middle of living room with a bottle of your spouse’s favorite wine. Dr. Whitehead says it’s better to have little romantic episodes often, than a big romantic blow-out once a year. Because when the romance is threaded throughout ALL your days together, it becomes part of the lifeblood of your marriage
Make Your Relationship Last.
Get ready for the 4 things you need to do everyday to make your relationship last. They come from Redbook magazine and Dr. Sam Hamburg, a marital therapist and author of the book “Will Our Love Last?”
Tell each other “I love you” at least once a day – and mean it. “I love you” is not the same thing as “see you later” – like when you say it as a sign-off from a phone call. Look each other in the eye and say it. It has the same impact as smiling. Even if you’re not feeling very loving, the mere act of saying you love your partner will create a loving feeling in you by triggering your bonding hormone oxytocin. Just like smiling triggers happy hormones in your body.
Give each other a breather when you get home. At the end of the day, each person needs 10 to 20 minutes of what the doctor calls “unwind time” – when you take off your coat, go to the bathroom, check the mail, and turn on the news – before being handed the baby or told about the clogged sink. If you deny each other that breathing space, you’ll build up resentment that will compromise the time you do spend together.
Touch each other. Touch is the gateway to sustaining a connection in a healthy relationship. You can try a “healing touch” – like rubbing her aching feet. Or an “affectionate touch” – like a squeeze around the waist as he does the dishes. Or a “romantic touch” – like running your fingers through her hair.
For you to let the small stuff go. Dr. Hamburg says most of the things couples fight about are so insignificant they don’t matter. So when you find yourselves at each other’s throats over who should do the dishes – flip a coin. Obviously, serious conflict should be dealt with. And you may be picking a fight because you’re not dealing with something serious. But if it’s just an annoyance, let it go. Being right is the booby prize in a relationship. Because in the end, you haven’t won, you’ve only distanced yourself from the person who vowed to stick by your side no matter what. So lighten up and let it go.
Get ready for the 4 things you need to do everyday to make your relationship last. They come from Redbook magazine and Dr. Sam Hamburg, a marital therapist and author of the book “Will Our Love Last?”
Tell each other “I love you” at least once a day – and mean it. “I love you” is not the same thing as “see you later” – like when you say it as a sign-off from a phone call. Look each other in the eye and say it. It has the same impact as smiling. Even if you’re not feeling very loving, the mere act of saying you love your partner will create a loving feeling in you by triggering your bonding hormone oxytocin. Just like smiling triggers happy hormones in your body.
Give each other a breather when you get home. At the end of the day, each person needs 10 to 20 minutes of what the doctor calls “unwind time” – when you take off your coat, go to the bathroom, check the mail, and turn on the news – before being handed the baby or told about the clogged sink. If you deny each other that breathing space, you’ll build up resentment that will compromise the time you do spend together.
Touch each other. Touch is the gateway to sustaining a connection in a healthy relationship. You can try a “healing touch” – like rubbing her aching feet. Or an “affectionate touch” – like a squeeze around the waist as he does the dishes. Or a “romantic touch” – like running your fingers through her hair.
For you to let the small stuff go. Dr. Hamburg says most of the things couples fight about are so insignificant they don’t matter. So when you find yourselves at each other’s throats over who should do the dishes – flip a coin. Obviously, serious conflict should be dealt with. And you may be picking a fight because you’re not dealing with something serious. But if it’s just an annoyance, let it go. Being right is the booby prize in a relationship. Because in the end, you haven’t won, you’ve only distanced yourself from the person who vowed to stick by your side no matter what. So lighten up and let it go.
Keep Your Romance Alive With These 4 Tips.
Here’s some intelligence for your love life. The 4 things everybody in a relationship needs to know if they want to keep the romance alive. We found these tips on Oprah .com:
First, if you did something wrong, try the Triple-A approach: Apology, Affection, and Action. Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum says you need to: Apologize for whatever you did to hurt or disappoint your partner. Offer Affection immediately, like a hug or a kiss. And pledge to Actively do something that matters to your partner – like taking steps to see that it never happens again. Those 3 A’s again: Apologize, offer Affection, and Actively fix the problem.
For all you nitpickers: Stop being so critical. Dr. John M. Gottman suggests you stop being hyper-aware of your partner’s mistakes, and switch to a positive frame of mind. In other words, go out of your way to catch them doing something right - and praise them for it.
Then, don’t expect your partner to read your mind – and then get disappointed when they don’t. Dr. Harville Hendrix calls this the “shame-and-blame game.” Instead of complaining that you didn’t get what you wanted, ask for it in a clear, specific, and positive manner. And when you get it, show your gratitude.
And if your relationship is as stale as week-old bagels, pump in some fresh air. Dr. Ruth Westheimer recommends taking a long weekend in a romantic hideaway, but even a few hours of “couple time” away from it all will help. The trick is: Don’t take the kids, all the old fights about bills and chores are off-limits, turn off your cell phones and electronic gadgets, and just enjoy each other. And by the time you get home, you’ll have remembered why you fell in love in the first place.
Here’s some intelligence for your love life. The 4 things everybody in a relationship needs to know if they want to keep the romance alive. We found these tips on Oprah .com:
First, if you did something wrong, try the Triple-A approach: Apology, Affection, and Action. Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum says you need to: Apologize for whatever you did to hurt or disappoint your partner. Offer Affection immediately, like a hug or a kiss. And pledge to Actively do something that matters to your partner – like taking steps to see that it never happens again. Those 3 A’s again: Apologize, offer Affection, and Actively fix the problem.
For all you nitpickers: Stop being so critical. Dr. John M. Gottman suggests you stop being hyper-aware of your partner’s mistakes, and switch to a positive frame of mind. In other words, go out of your way to catch them doing something right - and praise them for it.
Then, don’t expect your partner to read your mind – and then get disappointed when they don’t. Dr. Harville Hendrix calls this the “shame-and-blame game.” Instead of complaining that you didn’t get what you wanted, ask for it in a clear, specific, and positive manner. And when you get it, show your gratitude.
And if your relationship is as stale as week-old bagels, pump in some fresh air. Dr. Ruth Westheimer recommends taking a long weekend in a romantic hideaway, but even a few hours of “couple time” away from it all will help. The trick is: Don’t take the kids, all the old fights about bills and chores are off-limits, turn off your cell phones and electronic gadgets, and just enjoy each other. And by the time you get home, you’ll have remembered why you fell in love in the first place.
What do Happy Couples Know That Unhappy Couples Don't?
How to shrug off little disagreements! So, here’s how to strengthen your marriage, courtesy of couples expert Terri Orbuch. We found these tips in Woman’s World magazine:
First, put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. We all see things differently, because we have different backgrounds. For example, your ideas of responsibility may be poles apart if you were the youngest child and they were the oldest. So, understanding where they’re coming from can make or break your marriage.
Next, try discussing conflicts over the phone. It’ll keep things positive by removing all the nonverbal cues, like rolling eyes and tapping feet. And there’s an added bonus: resolving your issues by phone during the day leaves you more quality time together at night.
Another secret that happy couples know: They use the word “I” instead of saying “You.” For example, don’t say “You’re so messy”. Instead, try: “I’m bothered when you leave clothes on the floor.” Why? It’s easier to resolve problems when you take the blame for being upset, instead of assigning your partner a character flaw. Like “You’re a slob!” That way, your spouse isn’t starting out on the defensive.
And the final happy couple tip: Recognize the positives. Make sure you point out how much you enjoy and appreciate your spouse. Everything from the way you make each other laugh, to how well you share kitchen cleanup duties. The more often you tell each other how much you care, the happier you’ll both be!
How to shrug off little disagreements! So, here’s how to strengthen your marriage, courtesy of couples expert Terri Orbuch. We found these tips in Woman’s World magazine:
First, put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. We all see things differently, because we have different backgrounds. For example, your ideas of responsibility may be poles apart if you were the youngest child and they were the oldest. So, understanding where they’re coming from can make or break your marriage.
Next, try discussing conflicts over the phone. It’ll keep things positive by removing all the nonverbal cues, like rolling eyes and tapping feet. And there’s an added bonus: resolving your issues by phone during the day leaves you more quality time together at night.
Another secret that happy couples know: They use the word “I” instead of saying “You.” For example, don’t say “You’re so messy”. Instead, try: “I’m bothered when you leave clothes on the floor.” Why? It’s easier to resolve problems when you take the blame for being upset, instead of assigning your partner a character flaw. Like “You’re a slob!” That way, your spouse isn’t starting out on the defensive.
And the final happy couple tip: Recognize the positives. Make sure you point out how much you enjoy and appreciate your spouse. Everything from the way you make each other laugh, to how well you share kitchen cleanup duties. The more often you tell each other how much you care, the happier you’ll both be!
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